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Coping with Grief Using ACT: Practical Steps for Healing Through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

  • Marissa M
  • Aug 20
  • 3 min read

Coping with Grief

Grief can be an extremely difficult emotion and process to face. Whether it’s due to the loss of a loved one, the end of a meaningful opportunity, or the closing of a special relationship, the emotions that follow can feel overwhelming and confusing. It’s natural to want to escape or numb the pain. Sometimes, healing can even feel like a betrayal of what was lost—but in reality, it’s a quiet act of commitment. It’s a way of saying: I will carry this pain differently, and I will keep going. Below are some practical steps to help you move through the grieving process with intention and self-compassion.

Acceptance — Making Room for the Emotions

This step is about gently allowing the emotions to be there, without judgment or resistance. Let's take a moment to check in with ourselves.

  • Start by taking a few slow, deep breaths. Feel your belly rise as you breathe in and fall as you breathe out. You don’t need to stop your emotions. Just focus on helping your body feel a little calmer by slowing your breath and relaxing your muscles.

  • Now scan your body from head to toe. Where do you feel any tension or tightness? Pay attention to your thoughts. Are they fast, slow, clear, or confusing? Think about your emotions. Do they feel really strong or more manageable right now? Try to name what you are feeling, like sadness, anger, or stress. Whatever it is, just notice it. You do not need to fix it. Just be aware of it.


Defusion — Unhook Yourself

When we grieve, our minds often create painful thoughts like “I should be stronger” or “Being happy right now would be a betrayal.” ACT teaches us to notice these thoughts without getting hooked on them.


This involves gently practicing the habit of rewording your thoughts to create some distance. Begin with “The thought I’m having right now is…”

  • Examples:

    • “The thought I’m having right now is that I’ll never be happy again.”

    • “The thought I’m having right now is that I will never have an opportunity like this again.”

Using this phrase can remind you that you are not your thoughts and that thoughts are not permanent. You do not have to do this for every thought, only for the ones that feel like they have hooked onto you and won’t let go.


Be Present - Ground Yourself

For this step, we can focus on a simple grounding exercise. As you do this, allow yourself to notice any feelings of grief that arise.

  • Look around and name 3 things you can see.

  • Listen carefully and name 2 things you can hear.

  • Notice 1 thing you can touch or feel against your skin.


Values — What Matters to You

Connecting with your values can help guide your healing and give you reasons to take positive steps forward. Ask yourself the following questions. You can just quietly reflect or write them down. Whatever will be the most helpful for you.


  • What is truly important to me in this moment?

  • What small changes can I make to see these values more in each day?


Committed Action — Small Changes

Let’s think about how we can commit to small changes. Choose one or more small steps to commit to today.

  • Call a loved one to express how you are feeling. Remind yourself you are not alone.

  • Go for a walk outside. While this may feel jarring because the world keeps moving, remember that life continues and you will get through this.

  • Do something kind for yourself. Maybe try a new meal, try a new exercise, or schedule quality time with loved ones.

The Journey

Healing through grief is a journey, not a destination. By practicing acceptance, noticing your thoughts without judgment, staying present with your feelings, connecting to what truly matters, and taking small meaningful steps, you can carry your grief in a way that honors both your pain and your strength. Remember to be gentle with yourself and every step forward you take is progress.


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