top of page
Search

Rooting Out the Inner Critic: Finding Compassion for Yourself

  • Marissa M
  • Oct 13
  • 3 min read
A person sits cross-legged, hugging themselves, surrounded by hearts. A potted plant and open book are nearby, on a beige textured background. Practicing self compassion.
Designed by Freepik

Do you know the moments when our mind points out our flaws, predicts our failures, or makes us question our own worth? This inner voice is often called the inner critic, and it can have a bigger impact than we realize. While being self-reflective and learning from our mistakes is important, there’s a fine line between healthy self-criticism and the kind that holds us back by focusing on flaws that are not real. 

What is the inner critic?

The inner critic typically develops as a way to protect us, this can be to encourage us to avoid mistakes, fit in more , or meet expectations. But over time, its harsh messages can chip away at our confidence and reinforce cycles of shame and self-doubt. Left unchecked, it can become louder than our supportive, compassionate inner voice. 

Getting Started: Test, Monitor, and a Beginner Exercise

Self-Compassion Test by Dr. Kristin Neff

A good place to begin is by exploring how much self-compassion you already show yourself. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, created a Self-Compassion Test that measures the ways you respond to your own struggles. This simple assessment can highlight where you tend to be supportive toward yourself and where your inner critic may take over.


Recognize the Critic Within: An Exercise from Self-Esteem by McKay & Fanning

In this exercise you will have two parts.


Part 1 – Track Your Critic: Throughout the day, keep a running list of when your inner critic shows up. For each instance, jot down:


  • The number 

  • The time it occurred

  • The specific thought you noticed


See the example below about how to jot your thoughts. Aim at recording at least 10 thoughts by the end of the day. 

Thought Number

Time

Critical Statement

1

8:00

Late again, surprised my boss hasn't fired me yet.

2

10:30

My desk is so messy. I'm setting myself up for failure.


Part 2 – Review Your List: In the evening, go back through the thoughts you wrote down. For each one, ask yourself and write down as illustrated below:


  • Did this thought make me feel good?

  • Did it help me avoid a negative feeling?

Thought Number

Help Me Feel or Do

Helps Me Avoid Feeling

1


Surprised and disappointed if my boss calls me out on it.

2

Motivated to tidy up my desk before leaving, so I can be better prepared tomorrow.



The Goal: With this exercise the goal is to figure out the basic themes that are coming from your inner critic. In the scenario I created, the basic theme is that the inner critic is setting the person up to have high standards. The problem is not having standards but the hostile and harsh tone of the thoughts. As you review your list, you may also notice emotions your critic self is helping you avoid, such as the fear of rejection. After completing this you can start to disarm the critic.

Guided Self-Compassion Meditation by Dr. Aisha Holder

Once you have a sense of your self-compassion levels and have started noticing your inner critic, the next step is to gently practice shifting your focus. A simple way to begin is with a short guided meditation. Meditation helps you slow down, notice your thoughts without judgment, and bring more kindness into the way you talk to yourself.



Starting with a smaller guided practice makes it easier to build consistency and begin quieting the critic’s voice. 

Just the Beginning

Learning how to quiet your inner critic takes time and a lot of self-kindness. Conducting Dr. Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Test, the Monitor Your Critic Exercise for Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning, and a simple beginner meditation, can give you a strong place to start. If you want to go deeper, we recommend the book below that can be purchased at https://amzn.to/43gDDha


Book cover with a large sunflower. Text: Self-Esteem, Fourth Edition by Matthew McKay, PhD, Patrick Fanning. Mood is positive and uplifting.








While the tools provided in this blog can be helpful on their own, attending therapy can make the process feel more supported and less overwhelming. Having someone walk alongside you, help notice the patterns you might miss, and encourage you as you practice self-compassion can make a big difference. If you would like to learn more about working with a therapist, you can read about our providers here: Our Clinicians


References

Comments

bottom of page